


Gone

by Toastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 03:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10982652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toastiel/pseuds/Toastiel
Summary: No matter how angry she pretends to be, all Donna wants is for him to come home.





	Gone

Gone. 

Just like that, she thought. Gone without a word or a warning. Gone, just like so many other things in her life. 

She always knew she didn't deserve him, that she didn't deserve the kind of affection and attention he'd so freely given her. Knowing she didn't deserve it never stopped her from wanting it, though. It never stopped her from taking everything he gave her. 

She should have given more and taken less. She was such a greedy person, so starved for attention, so selfish. He deserved better. Everyone did. 

Donna wanted so much to be angry at him for leaving, but really, how could she blame him? 

She pretended to be pissed off, to be filled with disbelief and wrath and malice. She tried so hard, but it wasn't real. She was sad, sure, but she'd known, deep down inside where the reality of her insecurities and fears lay, that it would happen eventually. 

It always did. 

Leaving was the only constant in her life. Her father had left. Then her mother. Doug number one had left, but not before he'd destroyed everything she was. She'd left Doug number two, afraid that all the bad things she dealt with would come after him. 

Now, Chuck was gone, and she didn't have the strength to truly be upset about it. She wondered if that said more about her than about him. 

She wanted him back though. He was the one good thing she had, and even if she didn't deserve him, she couldn’t stop herself from wanting him. Her bed was cold and lonely at night, and she was having trouble sleeping.

She missed the steady thump-thump-thump of his heartbeat, the way he'd hum softly in her ear as she drifted off. She missed the scratch of his stubble against her skin when he kissed her cheek each morning. She missed his laugh, and the way his voice washed over her. She missed his warmth, his presence. She missed the staticiness of his energy, and the spicy, smoky scent that always clung to him. 

She missed him. More than anything, she missed him. 

That's how she’d ended up here, on her knees beside her bed, his scent still clinging to the sheets. She didn't know what else to do. The boys had told her to give him time, that he'd be back, but it was taking too long and she needed him. She'd called but his cell wasn't working, and Cas had told her plainly that his father wasn't in Heaven when she'd asked him to deliver a message for her. 

So, this was all she had. She'd been praying to him for weeks, and nothing ever changed, but she didn't dare stop. What if he actually was listening to her? She felt silly and foolish, but she was desperate. 

“I don't know if you're listening. I don't know if you even care, but I-” her words broke off, her voice cracking. Donna took a deep breath and tried again. 

“I need you. I can't lose you. I c-can’t.” She didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the saltiness on her lips. God, she was pathetic. 

“Don’t think like that.”

Donna sucked in a sharp breath, but she didn't look up, didn't open her eyes. He wasn't there, she was hearing things, she was delusional. She flinched at the feeling of a finger beneath her chin, and despite her insistence that it wasn't real, she couldn't deny him. 

“I didn't-” he paused as she finally looked up at him. He looked the same but different, almost like he was glowing, burning from within with some ethereal light. He looked upset, concerned, angry - he looked torn. 

“I'm sorry,” he said finally, crouching down beside her. 

For all her praying, all her tears and fear and desperation, for all her feeling like a child writing letters to the moon, feeling foolish and ridiculous, for everything, she hadn't been prepared for this. She hadn't expected this, him. She'd never expected Chuck to come back to her, much less to say he was sorry. 

She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to say. 

It didn't matter. 

He silenced her with a kiss and she was amazed at all of the things she could feel just from the brush of his lips on hers. 

“Don't go,” she pleaded as he pulled away. He brushed her blonde curls back from her face, a sad smile and a chuckle on his lips. 

“I'll be back.”

“When?”

“Soon.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You're not the only one that’s tired of losing people, Donna. I'll be damned if I'm going to give you up.”

“Don’t -” she wanted to beg him to stay, to sing her to sleep and hold her through the night and the tears and the pain. 

“Soon.” He said again, his voice fading as everything around her turned black.

Donna woke with a start, not remembering falling asleep, or going to bed. She looked around quickly, hoping it hadn't all just been a dream. She could smell him, stronger than the scent on her sheets. Maybe it hadn't just been a dream? 

She flopped back into the pillows, letting out a heavy sigh as she closed her eyes. 

“Very soon,” his whispered words floated over her and through her, and Donna smiled. If she was delusional, at least she had him, right?


End file.
